Eating Out – A Beginner’s Guide To Cunnilingus

The vulva can be a bit mysterious sometimes, even when you’re well acquainted with someone’s. One important thing to remember as you decide to head south is every woman will feel different about being eaten out. Some will love it; they will beg and plead for you to lick their pussies, some will actually require it during all their sexual play. While others – not so much. Some women do not like it because they fear the way they smell or look, or they do not like the sensation of a tongue. Also, pussies like different things from day to day. It is no wonder most people are confused about what to “do” with a pussy, there are at least 3.5 billion different approaches to eating out!

Just like we mentioned in Blow Jobs – How To Give A Happy Ending, oral sex is an extremely intimate act; you’re putting your face where you can see, smell, and taste everything. We want to encourage you to get in touch with what you enjoy about licking, sucking, and kissing a pussy. Something else to think about before pleasuring a woman is that vulvas are beautifully designed for receiving many types of pleasure in a variety of ways. What makes this tricky for those that perform oral sex on a woman is that there is an infinite number of combinations that might be the “right one” for the woman you are with. You will need to approach each woman with a blank slate, only taking several generic techniques that will allow you to attempt to hone in on what brings her the most pleasure. The more techniques you know, the better, but you also need to remember that none of them are guaranteed to work.

Let’s start with some basics that will help you no matter the stimulation preferences of a woman. The first and foremost is comfort. Seems obvious, but having the conscious thought process to create comfort is something that should at least cross your mind. The more you make a woman feel physically, sexually, and emotionally comfortable while receiving pleasure, the more she can relax and focus on the phenomenal sensations you are providing her. When it comes to physical comfort imagine laying her down on a bed of roses, so to say. Think about the surface she is sitting or laying down on, the lighting in the room, and the temperature of the room, for example. But there is more to it than that. At first, many women have a level of discomfort or self-consciousness about their vulva. Women do not generally explore and fully understand their genitals the same as men do. Especially the younger or less experienced they are. Performing cunnilingus after a shower is a great way to increase her comfort level and assure her (and yourself) that you will have a pleasant trip to her flower. Next, be sure to give her the assurance she wants about the level of enthusiasm and appreciation you have for her pussy. If you’re a guy, you know how good it feels to have a woman comment positively on your cock; she doesn’t have as much ego built around her genitals as you do around your penis, but she (generally) doesn’t have as much appreciation as she should for her vulva either.

A word we would use to describe the dynamics of a vagina would be multifaceted, and that is the approach you should bring to eating pussy. If you think you have mastered the end-all-be-all technique, you are right… for that one woman that you mastered it on. But that doesn’t mean it will work on another woman, nor does it mean it is the only one that works on the woman you mastered it on.

To keep things simple there are two ways to regard your efforts on her path to orgasm: climaxing and enhancing. Climaxing effects are those that, if continued properly, will lead to orgasm. Enhancing effects are those that, if continued properly, will not lead to an orgasm but they greatly increase the sensation of either your current action or the eventual orgasm itself. An example of a climaxing technique is to find her clit and with one to three of your fingers on the outside of her pussy, rubbing your fingers in a delicate but firm manner. One thing that you are looking for is a slight engorgement of the clit. Generally, you do not want to apply direct pressure to this swelling spot, which is about the size of a pea. Move a portion of your fingers 2-3 times the size of the clit up and down, side to side, around and around, in an “S” shape, in varying patterns, pressures, and rhythms. Keep your real estate the same, don’t slide around on the tissue or skin. Keep varying your motions until you get a positive response or she starts to give direction. Start to hone in on what she is most responsive to. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask her to show you what she enjoys. Women appreciate consistency in what they are enjoying. Meaning, when she is responding well to what you are doing, don’t change up what you’re doing so quickly. You’ll need to figure out if she wants you to keep doing exactly what you are doing or if she will want a slow increase in pressure and speed.

On to the juicy parts… after settling her in and declaring your appreciation for her pussy there are multiple approaches you can take. But we’ll start with the middle of the road approach first. Before you do anything you should prime your woman. A woman’s sexual experience resides in her mind. While most men would be perfectly happy with a woman pulling his pants down and going to town without warning, that is generally not the case for women. When it comes to oral pleasure, women generally appreciate steady, purposeful attention. The more attention you give to her whole body, the greater the build up. Think enhancing moves from above. The body is a giant sexual system, literally. The better you understand the concept, the greater a lover you will be. There isn’t one inch of the external (or internal) human body that doesn’t have an erotic effect on someone. Ears, feet, hair, back, arms, mouth, and so on. Think of your contact with her body as releasing tension and allowing her to relax and accept the pleasure (remember that comfort thing?). Sound new-agey? Who cares. Is it true? Yes. Is it all an enhancing technique to help her orgasm? Absolutely. Give her a little massage to start things off, slide your finger tips along her skin, caress her breasts and nipples, run your hands down her sides and thighs, and continue to do these little things throughout the entire process. These little things, or ones similar that you find work for her, will improve your results for her more than most anything else you do.

Diving in: Women generally love the building of anticipation, you’ll have to feel out her response (and patience) to dial this in. Don’t just get to licking and expect that she will be done soon. Consider the vagina a delicacy, work you way around it. There isn’t much on a vagina that doesn’t respond well to tender attention from a warm mouth, if anything. Really think about the female anatomy and consider that each part is worth giving dedicated attention to in order to feel out a woman’s preferences. Slowly start from the outer left and right sides of the outer labia and surrounding areas down to the perineum (we wouldn’t recommend going from the anus to the vagina), and work your way inward. Eventually make your way towards the upper portion, namely the clitoris. The clit is the nerve center of the woman’s vagina and is generally what needs to be stimulated in order for a woman to orgasm. There are roughly 15,000 sensory nerve endings in the clit, more than any other part of her body, so it is usually a good place to focus on and eventually end up.

eating pussy technique_erika moen

Image by Erika Moen, see the rest of this cartoon here

Some women will receive a great deal of pleasure from clitoral stimulation, others only derive stimulation internally, and some need a little of both. If the woman you are with prefers internal stimulation, most commonly called the G-Spot, there is a very different technique to use. You can certainly use portions or all of the clitoral approach as noted above to prime her, but this will really be an enhancing technique if she prefers to be internally stimulated. The big thing to be concerned with is the same information you are going to find anywhere you look for advice online. After ensuring that the woman is sufficiently lubricated and receptive to your penetration, place your (well trimmed and clean) finger(s) slowly into her vagina allowing the vulva to adjust and accept your fingers inside. Because of its strength and reach, your best bet is to use your middle finger – sometimes you may need two or more additional fingers – and feel it out. Once your finger is in as far as it feels is comfortable for her, bring the tip of your finger upward and back towards yourself (this is called the “come hither” motion). If she is laying down flat, it would be almost straight up towards the sky and then back towards yourself if you are sitting between her legs.

As a note, do not twist your finger while it is inside of her if you need to change the direction your finger is facing pull it out first, turn it, then re-enter. Once inside at the correct location, you’ll feel a very different texture in the tissue, it has a texture similar the top of your mouth or a walnut shell, but softer. Stimulating the G-Spot has an infinite number of possibilities as well. Don’t be discouraged, what else would you rather be doing? This is where you’ll use the “come hither” technique. Doing this in varying pressure and tempos will help you feel out what it is that she enjoys. Also note that women generally have less personal experience with this method when it comes to internal stimulation as opposed to external. They may know how with a dildo or vibrator but just expect a little less familiarity with what they enjoy from someone else’s finger. So proceed cautiously and patiently.

A good gauge for internal stimulation is to be mindful of the walnut texture folds around her G-Spot, these will begin to swell or engorge. This, like the hardening of the clitoris, will signal that there is arousal taking place on some level. Generally, this method takes longer but allows for a much greater orgasm. Be patient, there are many ways to achieve orgasm internally. Sometimes the approach is long slow strokes where you hold your finger in the pulling motion back towards you, others it is the in and out motion against the labia or the quick flicking of your finger inside her. Sometimes it is the harder thrust against the lips. Whatever the trick might be, be sure to continue your enhancing techniques. And with your mouth free to wander, you can be licking the clit, nipples, or even kissing.

Now you want to build her to a crescendo by moving her intensity up the arousal curve. How fast you proceed from one to two, two to five, and on up to six, seven, eight, and orgasm is something you really want to feel out from her. Listen to her moans, ask her what she likes. You also have to take into consideration desensitization or overstimulation. The best way we can convey desensitization to a guy is to think about what happens to your cock after you have had an orgasm and you are trying to get it back up again. It’s just there, its being fondled but not much sensation going on. It’s like that but no orgasm. A lose-lose. This is why foreplay and the build up are so important. The better you are at foreplay, the better your chance of giving her an orgasm. Less foreplay increases the opportunity for overstimulation. Sometimes a woman will be approaching orgasm and then her lover changes what they were doing – even just by a couple millimeters – and she will move down the arousal curve. Not all is lost though, every time she moves back up the arousal curve it is usually more intense. Just verbally check in (if she’s not telling you) to see whether she might be getting desensitized. Just take a break if she is.

To keep her sensitized and continuing up the arousal curve, focus your tongue on her clit making consistent, rhythmic side-to-side motions. Some women may prefer up-and-down movements. You want to press in with your tongue, not too hard, but not too soft either. Keep doing that while you use some enhancing techniques: wrap your arms around the outside or on top of her legs and move your hands up and down her thighs from where they meet her torso to just above the knees. Touch her breasts too if she enjoys that. Keeping a rhythm with your tongue is important; a few minutes of consistent pressure and movement will do wonders.

We hope this proves to be a good basic guide to eating out a woman.

– Keeley & Nikita

Thumbnail image by Édouard Henri Avril, 19th c. French artist


One thought on “Eating Out – A Beginner’s Guide To Cunnilingus

  1. Pingback: Sex 101: A Girl’s Guide To 21st Century Sex | Better Sex Ed

Comments are closed.