Guest post from Lady Jane
So, I’m just gonna go there.
Today, I want to talk about the female orgasm, specifically, MY female orgasm. And why shouldn’t I? There is so much secrecy, myth, mysticism, unknown, gray area, doubt, and taboo surrounding the female orgasm. I feel like I can, with confidence, be used as a source of information to prove its real existence. A data subject, if you will.
I know what I like and what gets me off, so my goal here is to inspire you to talk, teach, and try whatever it is that works for you in hopes that we may undo some of the mystery surrounding this area. Speaking of mysterious areas, I’ll talk about the clit, vulva, g-spot, pubic bone, and cervix, so get ready for a real thrill! But I should probably put a disclaimer out there: in no way am I representative of the entire female gender and I certainly can’t speak for all the women in the world. But this is my point. No one’s orgasm is representative of their entire gender or of everyone’s sexual experience, so why don’t we just put it all out there, talk about it like responsible humans, and do the best we can to understand each other?
The more conversation, the better. Opening up about your orgasm will have lifelong benefits, so at the end of the day, (or in the middle of the night!) you can connect, share deeply, and become more intimate with the people in your life. A win-win for those on the path to enlightenment.
I’m talking real human connections here. Real. Human. Connections.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who don’t believe in the female orgasm. I’m not sure why this is so. Perhaps it’s because the male orgasm is so, um, er, in our faces all the time (can someone get me a tissue?). The male orgasm is easier to understand because it’s, well, a little more straight forward and a little more visibly approachable. Things tend to be more exposed, easier to grab onto, and self-explanatory.
Of course, you should pay attention to the male orgasms in your life and learn the intricacies of the men you get off as a personal courtesy, so I’m not minimizing the male orgasm here, I’m just saying, with us women-folk, things are a little more… internalized – both physically and mentally. There tend to be more questions, concerns, and unknowns with women since our genitals aren’t out in the open for the whole world to see.
Okay, let’s get started with the task at hand.
First off, It’s time to get over your physical and emotional baggage. Way easier said than done, I know, but believe me, the people who judge you solely on appearance, weight, hair, makeup, stretch marks, freckles, third nipples, asymmetrical labia, vocalizations, facial expressions, nail polish color, style of panties, cell phone type, height, music preference, or favorite novel aren’t the people you want to help you orgasm in the first place.
So as long as you feel confident in your sexiness, you’re on the right track to having your mind (and your genitals) blown.
Okay, step 2, identifying the orgasm. Pay attention, ladies and gentlemen, because here’s where it gets complicated. As far as I know, women are capable of having different types of orgasms that originate from different anatomical parts. For me, I have two type of orgasms. Number 1: my “male” orgasm and number 2: my “female” orgasm.
Lady Jane’s Orgasm #1: The tiny penis
I would akin my clitoris (the bundle of nerves at the top of the vulva, hidden at the apex of the labia, the little round dot that sticks out a bit and is no larger than the tip of your pinkie) to a tiny penis. That’s right, a tiny penis. This is the orgasm that I think feels most like what a man feels when he ejaculates, though I have no way of knowing for sure and I do not ejaculate or squirt.
The only way (who’s up for a challenge?) for me to reach this type of orgasm is to hump something and put direct pressure on my clit. It could be a pair of socks, the base of a stainless steel dildo, a small vibrator, a wevibe (I still text my ex-ish boyfriend every time I masturbate with the wevibe just to say thanks for the most amazing gift ever), or one time, I was really desperate and humped a rolled up shirt because I was camping and had no sex toys with me. Shhhhhhhh don’t tell, but my boyfriend at the time was asleep next to me and had no idea what was going on beside him (sometimes a lady’s gotta do, what a lady’s gotta do).
I have never had this type of orgasm while lying on my back and I can count the number of times I’ve had this type of orgasm with a partner on one hand. The three times it did happen with a partner, I was on top, grinding my clit against his pubic bone. Oddly enough, the partners it did happen with all had three letter first names (is anyone fucking a Bob, Dan, Max, Sam, Ben, Tom, Rob, Joe, Pat, Ned, Ike, or a Ted? Can I borrow him?).
This type of orgasm happens externally and the pleasure is derived from the clitoris. I have this first kind every time I masturbate and it causes more “outer” muscle contractions than “inner.”
Lady Jane’s Orgasm #2: The full body, I can’t feel my hands or feet, internal massage-gasm
The other type of orgasm that I have is the one that my partners and I have together. This one requires fingers, hands, and sometimes a penis. It’s the one where, when done to completion, results in the tightening of my abdominal, uterine and vaginal muscles, and leaves me totally exhausted, blissed out, and tingly in the extremities. This is the one where I feel the typical build up of pressure and release at climax.
I really like to be deeply penetrated and even have my cervix massaged (that’s the solid, round donut shaped thing at the very back of the vaginal canal.) To help out my partners, I will lower my pelvis to give hands and penises better access to this area or tilt it upwards, depending on the angle of approach.
What really puts me over the top is a skilled lover who can penetrate me and also push down lightly just above my pubic bone (on the soft area under my belly button). There’s something about the simultaneous downward pressure from outside and upward pressure from the inside that hits my g-spot just right (that’s the rough patch on the roof of the vaginal canal just inside the opening).
I recently had an excellent orgasm of this nature where my partner had a couple fingers all the way inside me, was pushing up with those, I was pushing down just above my pubic bone, and he was also rubbing my outer labia towards the bottom of my vaginal opening with his free hand, putting pressure on my taint area (that’s the area between your genitals and your anus also known as the perineum to all you bio nerds out there).
Needless to say, the combination of pressures, sensations, and stimulations was, ahem, very satisfying. He got an A for effort and extra credit for cuddling afterward. I think he later graduated suma cum laude for reading minds.
Now, that’s just me. So your job is to now talk about your orgasms. What works for you and what doesn’t? Talking about these things with friends and lovers is a great way to make yourself open to receiving pleasure from future partners. It also makes the topic easier to discuss and helps you better verbalize your needs. All of these things (talking, doing, experimenting, and not feeling ashamed to talk, do, or experiment) add up to orgasmic bliss.
Have fun and don’t be afraid to share! Let me know how it goes because you might like or do something that I’ve never tried before. This is wisdom that needs to be shared!
Thumbnail image title via Hydlide on DeviantArt
Further reading: Orgasm Portraits – What Does Your Orgasm Look Like?