So much heartache and resentment can be avoided when important questions get asked at the beginning of a relationship. You feel a lot more confident in your relationship when you know whether you have the same values and long-term goals as the person you are interested in. By no means are these questions meant to be asked in order or read off the page. We are sharing these with you as conversation starters so you can better understand your new potential mate. Depending on your age, some will not be applicable for you at this time, although they might be at some point.
1. Where do you see yourself in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? Do our life goals match?
2. What does monogamy/ non-monogamy mean to you?
3. How much physical and emotional intimacy do you need? How much have you gotten in the past? Did you feel like you needed more or less?
4. How much alone time do you need? Do you often feel like you do not get enough alone time in your previous relationships?
5. Do you consider yourself more of an introvert or extrovert – how much, and what kind of socializing do you like?
6. What are your bad habits, what are your good ones, any pet peeves?
7. What is the best way to approach you when we have a disagreement?
8. What did you like about your parent’s relationship? What did you dislike about your parent’s relationship?
9. Do you want kids? What kind of parent do you want to be? What kind of work/ life balance do you want?
10. How important is exercise to you? What type do you enjoy – do you like being outdoors?
11. Do you like to try new things?
12. Tell me about a time when you really felt supported and why.
13. Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, my mom… you have to fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go. Just kidding 🙂 Checking to see if everyone is paying attention!
14. Who takes out the trash? Who does the laundry?
15. At what point do we turn cell phones off – dinner table, in bed, around friends and family?
16. Have you ever been to therapy? Would you be willing to go with me if it seemed like it would help our relationship?
17. If you could imagine a perfect holiday where money is no issue, where would you go and what would you do?
18. You have just won the lottery – what do you do with the winnings?
19. Would you prefer that we go to the same dinner place week after week because we know we like it, or try a new place that our friends told us was off the beaten path but really delicious?
20. Lastly, once you’ve been together for a while, instead of asking at the end of the day, “how was your day?”, make a habit of asking a specific question about their experience. We love Momastery’s suggestions:
– When did you feel loved today?
– When did you feel lonely?
– What did I do that made you feel appreciated?
– What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?
– What can I do to help you right now?
Remember, when searching for a partner, NO ONE is going to be perfect so there’s no point looking for someone with perfect answers. Stay open minded and ask questions even if you feel threatened or offended with someone’s answers. If you know that you do not want kids without a doubt, and your partner does without a doubt, this relationship is probably not sustainable in the long run. It is always important to know that in the beginning so you can assess how you want to proceed.
– Keeley & Nikita