Introducing new activities and changing things up in the bedroom can be fun, invigorating, and also a little scary. A lot of people find it hard to ask for what they want, for example, “I want a vibrator in our bed.” There can also be a fear that your partner thinks that what you’ve been doing all along is not good enough anymore and therefore, might see the request for something new as a criticism.
When you approach the idea of bringing a sex toy into the room, it is good to keep in mind that things that are new for people can be scary. Sex comes with all sorts of hang ups for most of us and it is ok if your partner is uncomfortable at first. Some people are also taught that sex toys are for porn stars or for people who are labelled as freaks. This is not entirely false, though, it is also not entirely true. All sorts of people from all walks of life enjoy sex toys.
In the 19th century, physicians used dildos to cure hysteria in women. If you are curious to know more about this brief moment in history, Michael Castleman goes into great detail in “Hysteria” and the Strange History of Vibrators. To introduce the idea to your partner, share your desire for exploration around your sexual play with them. You can say something like:
– I have been thinking a lot lately about how I would love to see you orgasm more often during our sexual play. It really turns me on to know that you are getting a lot of pleasure. How would you feel about experimenting with a vibrator?
– I have always wanted to try a butt plug (especially after reading our articles) and I am curious how you would feel about me trying one out with you. I would love to have you be involved while exploring this part of myself.
– Have you heard of “name-of-nearby-sex-shop?” I have been thinking how I would love to take you there and look around. Maybe we could see if there is something we might want to try out in the bedroom together.
– I was researching online the other day and found (any sex toy). I thought it could be fun for us to bring it into the bedroom sometime and see how it feels for us to try it out/ strap it on/ plug it in. Could I show you what I found and see if you are interested in it?
When you introduce the idea, see if you can bring out your curiosity when you ask your partner. Also, be inclusive. Share with them that you want them to be with you, use this on you, experience this with you for the first time, etc. You want your partner to feel included and you want to show them that when you fantasize about this new item joining you in your lovemaking, you picture them enjoying it with you, too.