Image via What Women Want
Given that there is so much hype around “what women really want,” we decided to post what we, the women of BSE (and some of our friends!) really want from a relationship. Below are the first two things that we thought of when presented with this question: what do you really want from your partner in a relationship?
- Emotionally available; the ability to be honest with themselves and me.
- Open, loving, and playful towards the world.
- Communicator: is in touch with his inner workings and can articulate what’s going on with him.
- Strong: someone that commands the ship and leads with integrity. I realized some years ago that my skills are in advising and collaborating, so being with with a leader-type is a good compliment for me. It allows me to relax and trust in the relationship, and put my best skills to work.
- The opportunity to love without fear of judgment – I have struggled with this in many relationships and found myself in situations where I didn’t feel comfortable physically, mentally, or emotionally with my partners. I need someone(s) who I can talk to without fear, someone who I can say anything to, no matter what, no matter how silly, kinky, difficult, awkward, or scary. I need a safe space to admit, share, and fantasize my truths. My partner(s) help me hold that space and this is what I need for true, deep, meaningful connection.
- High energy – I need someone who shares the same passion and energy for life that I do. They should be active, support my physical needs, have a high sex drive, or be open to allowing me to fulfill my physical needs elsewhere. He or she should be my partner(s) in crime, mischief, and adventure!
- Loving – someone needs to be able to show his love to me and other people. Besides that, not a lot matters to me.
- Weird – one of my biggest fears in life is to become ordinary. To avoid this from happening, I like my partner to be a little weird. In the good way.
- Partner in crime.
- To be heard and loved unconditionally particularly when we are being irrational. To be understood.
- And to be touched non-sexually throughout the day. That’s my idea of foreplay.
- Laughter. Without it, you can never get through anything.
- The second one surprised me. I would have to say disagreements. Maybe that is not the right word but I’ll explain – when my ex and I got back together, one of the things he has pointed out is that we don’t always agree. It doesn’t mean we think any less of each other, rather it causes us to have more in-depth conversations. We get to explain ourselves instead of one person just letting the other win. He, and now I, agree that it is super healthy for our relationship. It is good to fight sometimes. It doesn’t mean you love each other less but it means there is still a passion and love there to fight for.
- Cleanliness. I cannot be with someone, love him, and feel close to him if he does not smell clean and/or is sloppy and messy. It interferes with my inside calm.
- A doer and fixer, who does not procrastinate. I find that when a man drags his feet it creates argument and negative energy, which makes me feel sad inside.
- Trust; without it there isn’t a relationship. There’s always the baseline level assumption that there will be trust, and that gets built on over time through shared experiences and being able to depend on each other.
- Mutual respect; again, if you can’t respect the other person, there’s no point being in the same room.
- Laughter is my number one requirement. Life is hard enough and can be a struggle, so I want someone that can keep things light and fun and keep me smiling and laughing.
- My second choice is affection, whether it’s just grabbing my shoulder or touching my back or taking my hand while doing mundane little things around the house. I need that affection and affirmation very regularly to make me feel confident in our relationship.
We can see some similarities and some real basic differences in what women report as the most important needs for them in relationships. “What women really want” is somewhat complex and unique to each person. As one could imagine, “what men really want” is just as unique and complex.
We end with asking you what it is that YOU really want – we would love to add in your top two most important needs.
– BetterSexEd Team