Over here at BetterSexEd, when we talk about singles and dating, we often talk about what we like to call your “air game” and your “ground game.” Your air game is your online presence, and your ground game is what you’re up to off-line.
In this day and age, you really might want to consider having both if you’re single and wanting to find someone.
Why your air game is important:
- One major benefit to making an online profile is it encourages you to think about what you want, what you are offering, and to organize your thoughts by writing them down. So often we have ideas, but we don’t get them out or articulate them. Creating a profile, even if you never go out on a date with someone you meet online, can really help you get a clear picture in your head about what it is you are looking for, expecting, and offering. Think of it almost like a vision board; you are laying out how you want your future to be (and who’s in it).
- Putting yourself on multiple sites is a great idea. You can always pull your profile down in an instant if you are not feeling the site. Some of our favorites are: Match, OkCupid, and Coffee meets Bagel. Of course, there are many others.
- Not sure if your profile looks good? Ask a couple of close friends or even siblings for help. Or, find a professional that can help you. Try to avoid being generic; be yourself. You are not going to be the right person for everyone, and everyone is not going to be the right person for you. By trying to please everyone you please no one.
- If your profile has been up for a while and there is not much activity or exchange of messages; take it down. Create a new email account and start all over again. You could even get new photos taken.
- Photos: they are probably the most important part. People go straight to the photos. If you have decided to put up a professional photo, make sure you have other photos that are of you just being a regular person in regular settings. Glamour shots are cool and all, but this is not Napoleon Dynamite. It is best to show people what you really look like and who you really are. On your first date they are going to find out anyways. Wouldn’t you rather have them be pleasantly surprised?
Why your ground game is important:
- Before the age of the Internet, this was all we had. Although it seems like a lost tradition, it is very important. You might meet your special someone online, but maybe they are right around the corner. Limiting your options to only putting yourself out there on the Internet really limits who you will come into contact with.
- It is important that you take your eyes off your phone. Be open to talking to people, look available for connection. If your head is down and you are turned out, you might walk right past the person who wanted to blow your mind sexually and emotionally.
- It can feel risky talking to people you don’t know and putting yourself out there. What if the person is not interested, is taken, or is from out of town and has no plans to be back? All of these things are possibilities. But they might also be amazing, fun, and single. “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take” – Charles Barkley (or Wayne Gretzky, if you’re a hockey fan).
- Do things that interest you. Go to places that appeal to your senses. If you think about compatibility, wouldn’t it be great to meet a person who was already loving the things that you love? Been wanting to try that cooking class, volunteer, drive to that little restaurant at the edge of town? Go, and if you can, go alone. You will be much more open to talking to people and seem much more approachable if you are alone.
- If you feel social anxiety or are just scared about how to talk to someone you are attracted to, there is someone who can help with this. A sex coach, dating coach, social skills coach, and most therapists are equipped with the tools to help you overcome your fear of possible rejection.
You could discuss the flaws of either one or both of these methods of trying to meet someone. How will that attitude help you? Trying to find someone that feels special can take time. If you are looking for instant gratification, buy a puppy. One of the first and most major mistakes that people make around dating is getting in a hurry and feeling upset when “it’s taking so long.” Look, it is going to take as long as it is going to take. If you are really struggling, it is best to seek out some help with a coach or therapist that can help you see the mistakes, patterns, and areas that might need improvement.
– Keeley & Nikita
Image via WeHeartIt