Have you heard about the 36 increasingly intimate questions that are intended to help you fall in love? In January, Mandy Catron published her experience with the 36 questions in the New York Times, discussing whether or not there was a “road map to falling in love.” The questions were originally created in 1997 to see if it was possible to “foster interpersonal closeness between college students” and researchers found that it was. Over the next few years, the study added four minutes of unbroken eye contact, and next thing you know people were falling in love with the stranger across from them.
In her Ted talk, Mandy discusses the myth of love “how we want a guarantee that someone we love will love us forever.” But we are asking the wrong questions about love, she says:
“So rather than that question, I would propose we ask some more difficult questions, questions like: How do you decide who deserves your love and who does not? How do you stay in love when things get difficult, and how do you know when to just cut and run? How do you live with the doubt that inevitably creeps into every relationship, or even harder, how do you live with your partner’s doubt?”
She goes on to say:
“But falling in love is not the same thing as staying in love. Falling in love is the easy part. So at the end of my article, I wrote, ‘Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.’ And I cringe a little when I read that now, not because it isn’t true, but because at the time, I really hadn’t considered everything that was contained in that choice. I didn’t consider how many times we would each have to make that choice, and how many times I will continue to have to make that choice without knowing whether or not he will always choose me.”
We hope you find love and choose love everyday,
Keeley & Nikita
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