Many men who come into my office struggle with ejaculation issues. Premature ejaculation is one of the most common concerns, and there are a few false beliefs I keep hearing. I’d like to set the record straight for anyone considering coming in and provide information for those who do not have access to a therapist. Let’s debunk some premature ejaculation myths:
Myth: Premature ejaculation only affects young men and you will grow out of it as you age.
Fact: Early ejaculation can be an issue at any age. It is not just a young guy’s problem. I have worked with men that range in age from 20 – 65 years old. Some men do grow out of this struggle with age, although many men do not. Some men even develop arousal control issues later in life. For example, I was working with a man who, at age 40, started to cum very quickly. It was a combination of masturbating in a hurry and feeling like his wife wanted sex to be over. They were having very infrequent sex. All of this created stress in his body when he would engage with his wife and he would ejaculate very quickly. With therapy and practice, it took him about two months to gain back the control he wanted.
Myth: Thinking about something not sexy will help you last longer.
Fact: My experience is that thinking about other things while having sex will take you out of the moment and not help you gain control. When you focus on something else you are now not only ejaculating fast, you are not even present enough to enjoy the short time you were having sex.
Myth: You just need to learn how to develop your kegel muscles.
Fact: This is one of the most common misconceptions around premature ejaculation and learning control. Only in a few cases have I worked with have men who have had so little kegal muscle control that they needed to develop the muscle. Needing to develop kegel muscles is only needed when men have had trauma in the area – like surgery or infection. In many cases, the kegel muscles are actually over-stressed and unable to relax. Learning how to relax the whole body, including your pelvic floor and kegel muscles, has a lot to do with how long you will last. The more relaxed you can keep your body, the longer you will last.
Myth: You can fix this quickly.
Fact: Most men who I have worked with take between two weeks to two years to gain control over their ejaculation. In very few instances, men have learned how to control the ejulation in a couple of weeks. How long it will take you depends on how severe your struggle is and how long you have been struggling. If you have ejaculated within 30 seconds for the last 10 years of your life (including when you are masturbating) it will probably take you around 3 to 4 months to gain control. I try to help men see that this investment of resources, time, energy and money pays off in the end but you have to learn to be patient with your body.
Myth: For partners – he is doing it on purpose.
Fact: I can guarantee you – no man is trying to make the sexual experience end more quickly. One hundred percent of the men I have worked with have shared how embarrassing it is to cum so quickly and how they want to last longer. They are just not sure how to do that.
To sum up, learning to control your ejaculation is important not only for your partner’s pleasure but also for your own pleasure. Being worried and anxious that you are going to cum right away keeps you from connecting and enjoying yourself.
To learn more about how to control your ejaculation, check out our Overcoming Premature Ejaculation Audio Course. This audio course outlines the basic psychological and physiological blocks that get in the way of ejaculation control as well as explains in depth my unique 5-step strategy that will allow you to slow down and get control over your arousal. I also walk you through how to use your breath to overcome that tension so your body can relax while arousal is building.
Here’s to more successful and fun sexual experiences!
Thumbnail image via imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos
Further reading: Premature Ejaculation – Debunking Myths