A Conversation on Men: Have the Tables Turned?

A couple weeks ago we chatted with T & A, the lovely ladies of Pushing Boundaries, to discuss masculinity and male sexual expression. We highlighted some research from Nikita’s new book with Phil Zimbardo, Man (Dis)connected, and Keeley offered insights from her observations as a therapist. Click here to check it out! – Keeley & Nikita

Is Eros the Untapped Energy of Our Time?

Guest post by Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM, founder of TheShameFreeZone. This image on the left is not a family of Chimpanzees. Chimpanzees are notoriously violent. This is their closest cousin, the bonobo. And incidentally, the bonobo is also our closest genetic cousin. What makes the bonobo so special is how they use eros to create a non-violent…

Esther Perel on Sexuality, Eroticism & Aliveness

“One way to distinguish between sexuality and eroticism… is that animals have sex and it is the nature, it is the primary urge, it is the instinct, it is procreative. We have an erotic life, we transform sexuality, we socialize sexuality through our imagination. The central agent of the erotic act is our creativity, our…

Pleasure from Pain: Endorphin “Highs” and the Subspace

When you are being restrained (by choice) in a sexual situation, you may, paradoxically, experience a greater sense of freedom. Freedom to stop overanalyzing, freedom from responsibility in the situation, freedom to receive. You are vulnerable to the possibilities that your partner is in control of, which can create an “erotic anxiety” that heightens the sensations. Surrendering sexual control…

Mr. S Leather: Flog Review

A while ago I purchased a buffalo leather flog from Mr. S Leather in San Francisco. I’m always impressed by their leather products, everything they make there in the shop is beautifully constructed with top quality materials, and this flog was no exception. Most flogs, when you pick them up, don’t have much weight to them, their…

Is the World Rejecting Your Body or are You?

  Everyone has one, that is, a body that we walk around in everyday. Our bodies can give us immense pleasure and joy, and take us places – literally and metaphorically. One of my favorite things to explore with clients in session is their relationship with their own body. Something I have noticed in working…

Doctor’s Advice: Yes to Rectal Exams

The rectal exam….yes, you need to have it done. I can predict the moment in my conversations with patients when I’m gonna see “the grimace.”  It’s right at that moment when I go over what is involved in the urologic exam, “first we examine the penis and testicles and then sir you just turn around,…

Responses of Mass Destruction

Guest Post by Lady Jane I was having a tough conversation with my partner the other night and it left us both emotionally and physically wounded. This is not so desirable for emotional growth and bonding and isn’t how you want your conversations and interactions to conclude. We happened to be discussing intimacy, or lack…

What Sweaty T-Shirts Can Tell Us About Love

When it comes to mate selection, how much do we know about why we are attracted to certain people over others? Evolutionary psychologists are just starting to investigate this question. One of the most interesting experiments so far, known as the “sweaty t-shirt experiment,” lends some insight; we unconsciously find people who are genetically different…

Amazing Lovers are Made, Not Born

Even Don Juan had to become Don Juan Amazing lovers are made, not born. The reality is, amazing lovers are not automatically born into amazing lover status. Someone taught them how to touch, kiss, lick, grab, and hold. Every day I have conversations with people; clients and friends alike that are concerned about their performance…

What Do Men Really Want?

You may have already read our post “What do women really want?” where women gave us the top things they desired in a relationship. We decided to take a poll of some of our male friends, to hear what they had to say: H.R. Someone who listens. Does not try to fix me. Herb I…

Hormones Mess With Everything!

Ladies, this one’s for you. Some genius over at BuzzFeed took it upon themselves to explain why our… erm… digestion gets all messed up when we have our periods. They explain that “before your period, the lining in your uterus thickens to get ready for implantation. As the uterus gets more engorged, it can press…

De-mystifying the Erection

The penis is one of the most contemplated organs of the body; it’s the source of pride, ego, pleasure, and at times, pain. For all the emotions and energy spent thinking about the penis and its functions many people don’t really know how it works. I’m here to help clear a few things up for…

The Power of Compliments

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain Complimenting someone else is one of my favorite things to do. If I see something I like about a person, I just say it right then and there. Even the people that have a hard time taking compliments love when someone notices…

Help! Attack of the UTI

It has been years since I have experienced a UTI (thankfully) but the other evening I realized one might be coming on. For most people that have had a UTI before, you know the symptoms well. The uncomfortable bloating, the feeling like you always have to pee, progressively worse burning when you do. It sucks!…

Naughty & Playful Gift Ideas

The holiday season is approaching, and we came up with a variety of fun gift ideas that you may consider when shopping for your naughty (or nice) partner: Good Vibrations gift card: Let them choose what they want, or better yet, get each other gift cards and make the rule that you have to get…

Are We Best Friends, or Lovers?

We’re just best friends, right? Falling in love with your best friend is a tough situation! You’re not the first to experience this, and certainly not the last, either. It has often been a topic of debate whether people from the opposite sex can be friends and if they should just be platonic. Consider the famous…

How Sexual Fantasies Can Explain Your Emotional Needs

In this post I’m going to discuss a new way to think about sexual fantasies; a way to frame them in your mind in order to discover what emotional needs are most important to you as well as what needs have yet to be fulfilled. Often times, fantasies are described as situations that a person desires…

What Do Women Really Want?

Image via What Women Want Given that there is so much hype around “what women really want,” we decided to post what we, the women of BSE (and some of our friends!) really want from a relationship. Below are the first two things that we thought of when presented with this question: what do you really…

Female Condoms May Be Your New Best Friend

Image via Spread the Health The female condom still has a long way to go in gaining popularity in the U.S. Often I hear it mentioned in the same sentence with the diaphragm, which is a cervical barrier your grandmother may have used. Unlike the female condom, however, the diaphragm only protects a women from…

Condomology 101

Yes, you’ve read it right, condomology – the study of condoms. Condoms are among the most used contraceptives in the U.S. by people who are not in a long-term or monogamous relationship. There’s an easy explanation: it’s the only contraceptive that protects against both pregnancy and STDs. However, not everyone is a big fan. Apart…

The Final Member

The Final Member. Cue the dun dun dun music. Want to give you and your mate some serious talking points at the next party you go to? This movie is a good one for sure! At the very least, you’ll get a good laugh and maybe even learn a thing or two. The documentary takes us…

Helmut Newton’s Sexy B&W Photos

I love the sexy black and white photographs in Helmut Newton‘s book, SUMO. Over his lifetime, the late German photographer did many covers and spreads for magazines, and SUMO is a compilation of many of the most popular images. The two-part photos were something he was known for, because you never knew what might change or…

How To Give A Rim Job

Aline Et Valcour by Hans Bellmer, 20th c. German artist Rim jobs aka analingus, are an “I love it!” or “no-way!” sort of thing. The sensations are unique, and for those who enjoy them there is nothing else quite like it. This is because there are tons of nerve endings around the anus. Not many people get…

Let’s Rebrand Foreplay

Let’s do it! Right here, right now, let’s forever change what we refer to as “foreplay” to something else. Let re-brand foreplay to more accurately represent the sex acts for what they are. First off, it’s all play. Sex is, at its finest, adult play. It is how us adults have a good time, let…

All About Prostate Pleasure

In this set of videos, Chris from Pleasure Mechanics interviews Aislinn Emirzian, co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, about what the prostate is and how men can receive pleasure from prostate massage. What is the prostate? In the image below you can see that the prostate is about the size of a walnut…

Legal Issues Around Sexting

Sexting can be fun, but you might unwittingly break some laws you didn’t know about. For example, a lot of teens under 18 years old don’t realize that the sexy photos they have of their sweetheart could, in a court of law, be considered possession of child porn or distribution of child porn (if they…

To Flirt Or To Fuck?

When I was asked to present at the event, Master the F Word: Flirting, my first thought was “What do I do when I flirt with someone?” The answer was simple: I imagine myself fucking them. From this idea, I ran an experiential with the group, giving participants instructions to talk to the person in…

Making Relationships Work: 4-part Series From Dr. John Gottman

In this 4-part video series, Dr. John Gottman discusses relationship patterns (and their effects) that he observed over 35 years of research. Part 1:  Highlights: – Dr. Gottman explains how he and Bob Levinson (visually) observed and measured people’s physiological responses to different kinds of interactions with their partner. They wanted to pick up on any patterns in successful…

5 Ways To Take Your Sex Life To The Next Level

Guest post by Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM, founder of TheShameFreeZone. No matter how awesome the sex you are currently having, there is the possibility for more. But more what? As a sexologist and sex educator, a lot of people want me to help them improve their sex lives. Many of those people imagine that I will…

Teaching Kids About Consent: Having The Other “Talk”

Guest post from Lady Jane Conversations about consent are all the rage these days, as well they should be. In a culture where assault, boundary breaking, and unwanted physical contact are prominent, what better place to start combating this issue than with beginning the conversation with our children. It’s true, giving kids too much information…

Diet & Libido: Eating Right For A Better Sex Life

You know when you eat something that your body doesn’t agree with. Your energy dips, you feel bloated and grumpy, mental fog descends, you might get acid reflux, and… oh yeah, your libido disappears. On the other hand, when you consistently give your body the kind of fuel it needs, it becomes a place you…

Get In Your Body First Thing In The Morning

Don’t wait till sex shows up to find pleasure in your day. You can be in your pleasure all day. One way to do this is to get into your body and find your pleasure first thing in the morning. One thing that I love and have found incredibly useful to find and connect with…