Help! My Partner Wants Sex More/Less Than I Do

Therapist: “Do you have sex often?” Him: “Hardly ever, maybe three times a week” Her: “Constantly, I’d say three times a week” Having differing sexual appetites is completely normal in relationships, yet it can create stress and strain connection when not discussed openly. We all know how rare it is to meet someone who has all…

Moving Away From the Orgasm Trap

Getting stuck chasing the orgasm is something many of us do. It seems so normal that it’s become habitual – sex doesn’t “count” unless there’s an orgasm. With all their splendor and glory, orgasms can create a few negative side effects during sex if you let them take over your night! The biggest pitfall I…

What (Not) To Expect From Your Expectations

Guest post from Lady Jane Think about the people, places, and things in your life. What do you expect from them? What do you expect from your partner? Your cat? Your coffee maker? Your shower? Your phone… Are your expectations realistic, accurate, fair, obvious, or even possible? When you turn the key in the ignition…

Is Being Judgmental Ruining Your Relationship?

Over the last six months I have been challenging myself to learn how to be less judgemental. I kept catching myself judging others in a harsh way. I remember asking myself, “would I treat a client who came to my office like this?” The answer was a clear no, so I decided to try to…

What (Most) Women Want

As much as things have changed socially between men and women over the last several decades, there’s some things that show no sign of changing! Yup, attraction is not politically correct. As much as people want gender equality, they still expect a man to be responsible for what’s going on in his home. The following is an excerpt from Being…

Fantasy vs. Reality: Which is Better?

Fantasy and using our imaginations is a natural part of being human. We have the ability to fantasize about so many things – especially sexual things. Everyone has had a sexual fantasy. Whether it is about someone sweeping you off your feet (romantic), unexpectedly meeting a sexy stranger and going right at it (no-strings-attached passion),…

Are There Benefits to Withholding Ejaculation During Orgasm?

A man recently wrote in and asked this question: what are your thoughts on male orgasm and Eastern/tantric practices which advise against physical orgasm (but might be favorable towards energetic orgasm)? I’m asking as I’m curious about how holding back on orgasm influences the male body/psyche. I’ve been always been a guy who ejaculates frequently,…

Why Everyone Wins When Women Ask Out Men

The other day Keeley and I were having a conversation about how effective it is when women ask men out on a date. Why do so many men seem to shy away or not return phone calls or texts when women ask them out? When we thought back on our own personal situations and other…

A Conversation on Men: Have the Tables Turned?

A couple weeks ago we chatted with T & A, the lovely ladies of Pushing Boundaries, to discuss masculinity and male sexual expression. We highlighted some research from Nikita’s new book with Phil Zimbardo, Man (Dis)connected, and Keeley offered insights from her observations as a therapist. Click here to check it out! – Keeley & Nikita

Is the World Rejecting Your Body or are You?

  Everyone has one, that is, a body that we walk around in everyday. Our bodies can give us immense pleasure and joy, and take us places – literally and metaphorically. One of my favorite things to explore with clients in session is their relationship with their own body. Something I have noticed in working…

How Sexual Fantasies Can Explain Your Emotional Needs

In this post I’m going to discuss a new way to think about sexual fantasies; a way to frame them in your mind in order to discover what emotional needs are most important to you as well as what needs have yet to be fulfilled. Often times, fantasies are described as situations that a person desires…

From Jealousy To Joy: An Anecdote Of Extremes

Guest post from Lady Jane For many of us “monogam-ish” folks, wrangling jealousy is one of the most difficult parts of our relationships and is a common recurring theme. It’s the realization that if you have multiple partners in your life, you’re going to have to learn to share. “Learn to share” is a tricky…

How Many Shades Of Consent Are There?

Guest post by Lady Jane According to some of the articles I’ve read on getting and giving consent, I’m a rapist and I’ve been sexually assaulted. I would not say this is true, however, so it raises the issue of the colors and shades of language. Our definitions of consent may differ, therefore, I’m going…

Rape Is Everyone’s Problem

Several people who have read this article found it triggering, and this topic may not be appropriate for all readers. Our intent is to shed light on the sensitive topic of sexism against men and male victims of sexual assault. This topic is controversial and often goes overlooked. Here at BetterSexEd, we are committed to…

Masturbating On Valentine’s Day

I suppose there’s no better day to talk about masturbation than Valentine’s Day. It’s the gift you give yourself really, and much better for your waistline than chocolates. But you can also share it with that special someone if you want to 🙂 “Having sex is natural but talking about sex is not natural,” said…

Is Uncircumcised Weird?

I was at a party last week and a friend of mine proclaimed rather loudly, “I would never be with someone who is uncircumcised!” I am very rarely shocked, although I have to say, I was quite surprised that one of my friends was clearly uneducated around this topic. Me, being the curious sex therapist…

Female Orgasm – One Woman’s Orgasm

Guest post from Lady Jane So, I’m just gonna go there. Today, I want to talk about the female orgasm, specifically, MY female orgasm. And why shouldn’t I? There is so much secrecy, myth, mysticism, unknown, gray area, doubt, and taboo surrounding the female orgasm. I feel like I can, with confidence, be used as…

Kinsey Confidential Answers Your Sex Questions

The Kinsey Institute has a site called Kinsey Confidential, which is a sort of clearing house for their research about sexual health. One aspect of their site we enjoy is their podcast, which is updated every week. It is a great place for people to ask questions anonymously. – Keeley & Nikita

Al Vernacchio Asks – What’s Your Sexual Footprint?

It’s interesting to consider the “ripple effect” our actions and attitudes have, especially when it comes to sex. What is a sexual footprint? Al Vernacchio, a sex education teacher at Friends’ Central, a private Quaker school just outside Philadelphia, says it’s the path that is created by the decisions we make and the actions we take regarding our sexual selves.…

Normal Vagina – Is My Pussy Normal?

Just what is a normal vagina? Pretty much all of us wonder at some point if our genitals look normal and how they compare with others of the same sex. Young women especially are becoming more and more self-conscious of the appearance of their vulvas, from the shape, size, and symmetry of their labia to…

Madonna Whore Complex

We see sex everywhere, so why is it so hard to talk about? Is being crude — thus lowbrow and easily dismissible — the only way to make it acceptable? A lot of men in America have developed a Madonna Whore Complex in part because of this strange divergence. Described as love without sex and…

51 Truths About Love And Sex For Generation Y

1. Relationships are what you put into them. 2. Everyone loses when love and sex are treated like a game. 3. If you have your guard up in the beginning and then suddenly lower it, don’t wonder why the other person is running hot and cold – they met one person and now you’re showing…

Choosing a Lubricant

Whatever your situation is, sex is usually better with lube. There are three kinds of personal lubricant: Water-based lubricants: water-based lubes are the most common and recommended since they’re safe to use with sex toys and latex contraceptives like condoms and diaphragms. Water-based lubes are formulated to be non-irritating, though some contain glycerin, which can…

Mating in Captivity – How to Balance Desire and Love

In her TED talk above, Esther Perel argues good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. In her book, Mating in Captivity, she discusses when we are most drawn to our partners and why, our turn-ons and offs, balancing love and desire, reconciling domesticity and sensuality, and how to give…