What (Not) To Expect From Your Expectations

Guest post from Lady Jane Think about the people, places, and things in your life. What do you expect from them? What do you expect from your partner? Your cat? Your coffee maker? Your shower? Your phone… Are your expectations realistic, accurate, fair, obvious, or even possible? When you turn the key in the ignition…

10 Ways to Become a More Connected and Loving Partner

Inspired by the idea of mutual care-taking, below are ten ways to better understand and connect with your partner: Build and maintain trust; stay in touch mentally. During “sliding door moments,” where you have the option to either have a conversation and resolve an issue with your partner, or distract yourself with the TV, a book,…

Responses of Mass Destruction

Guest Post by Lady Jane I was having a tough conversation with my partner the other night and it left us both emotionally and physically wounded. This is not so desirable for emotional growth and bonding and isn’t how you want your conversations and interactions to conclude. We happened to be discussing intimacy, or lack…

How Sexual Fantasies Can Explain Your Emotional Needs

In this post I’m going to discuss a new way to think about sexual fantasies; a way to frame them in your mind in order to discover what emotional needs are most important to you as well as what needs have yet to be fulfilled. Often times, fantasies are described as situations that a person desires…

What Do Women Really Want?

Image via What Women Want Given that there is so much hype around “what women really want,” we decided to post what we, the women of BSE (and some of our friends!) really want from a relationship. Below are the first two things that we thought of when presented with this question: what do you really…

To Flirt Or To Fuck?

When I was asked to present at the event, Master the F Word: Flirting, my first thought was “What do I do when I flirt with someone?” The answer was simple: I imagine myself fucking them. From this idea, I ran an experiential with the group, giving participants instructions to talk to the person in…

Making Relationships Work: 4-part Series From Dr. John Gottman

In this 4-part video series, Dr. John Gottman discusses relationship patterns (and their effects) that he observed over 35 years of research. Part 1:  Highlights: – Dr. Gottman explains how he and Bob Levinson (visually) observed and measured people’s physiological responses to different kinds of interactions with their partner. They wanted to pick up on any patterns in successful…

Too Much Of A Good Thing? When Self-Reliance Backfires

Many of us are brought up to believe self-reliance or individuality is one of the most important personal qualities to cultivate. And it is. But there is a flip-side to having too much self-reliance that can work against people, hindering personal growth and bonding in both short-term and long-term intimate relationships. As a sex coach…

Asking For What You Want In Relationships

Many people in relationships twist and contort themselves around their partner and forget about the things that they want. Often this happens right in the beginning of a relationship, called the merging phase. Once the merging phase ends, the things you want that are different from your partner begin to show up more frequently. Asking…

Surrender Date

When you want to mix up dinner-and-a-movie nights, try a surrender date. Surrender dates are fun for newer and more established couples. The idea comes from Dr. Laura Berman’s show, Sexual Healing; no matter what concerns a couple had, she suggested they go on a surrender date to learn how to relax and trust that…

Couple’s Communication Video Series – Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing, a 2006 reality TV show featuring Chicago-based sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman offering advice and activities for a variety of couples as they navigate intimacy issues. Sometimes it just takes an outside perspective to get to the heart of concerns, and help couple get out of their funk, and Dr. Berman does this…