Misaligned Sex Drives and Desire Discrepancy

Misaligned sex drives are one of the most common struggles that couples of all ages come into my office to overcome. There are two ways misaligned sex drives, also called desire discrepancy, typically manifest: desired times of sex and frequency of sex. For instance, one person may really prefer morning sex while the other only…

The Key Ingredient for Relationship Success: Reciprocity

Guest post by Ty Lamarr, check out Ty’s blog, Inside the Mind of Ty Lamarr, here Relationships require Reciprocity…If…you should find yourself entering into a relationship based off of how the relationship will benefit YOU…without considering how you will be of benefit to the other person…you may find that…your relationship will struggle. This is a concept…

Men’s Fear

Guest post by Ty Lamarr, check out Ty’s blog, Inside the Mind of Ty Lamarr, here Top of the morning to you all!  Well…it’s morning on my side of the Earth.  Friday morning to be exact…and the time currently…0420.  I’m up early as usual…doing my morning ritual of rhyme writing…usually, when those thoughts stop flowing…I take…

Are You Talking Too Much On a First Date?

For most of us, meeting someone new is a somewhat stressful experience: will they like me? Will I have something interesting to say? Will I feel included? Raise the stakes to a date and now it is: will they think I’m sexy? Can they see my flaws? Do I have something interesting to say? There…

What (Not) To Expect From Your Expectations

Guest post from Lady Jane Think about the people, places, and things in your life. What do you expect from them? What do you expect from your partner? Your cat? Your coffee maker? Your shower? Your phone… Are your expectations realistic, accurate, fair, obvious, or even possible? When you turn the key in the ignition…

Is Being Judgmental Ruining Your Relationship?

Over the last six months I have been challenging myself to learn how to be less judgemental. I kept catching myself judging others in a harsh way. I remember asking myself, “would I treat a client who came to my office like this?” The answer was a clear no, so I decided to try to…

Can “Peter Pans” Ever Grow Up?

A couple of days ago I was having a conversation with a man in his late 50s, who described himself as a “Peter Pan.” He said that he is in a relationship with a woman he adores and wants to make it work, but added that he “keeps messing things up” and she’s about had…

Overstimulation From Porn Disrupts Pair-bonding

Guest post by Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships In recent years, scientists have been studying a fascinating mammal in greater depth: the prairie vole. There are many closely related vole species, but some species mate for life while others don’t form pair bonds at all (like…

What (Most) Women Want

As much as things have changed socially between men and women over the last several decades, there’s some things that show no sign of changing! Yup, attraction is not politically correct. As much as people want gender equality, they still expect a man to be responsible for what’s going on in his home. The following is an excerpt from Being…

10 Ways to Become a More Connected and Loving Partner

Inspired by the idea of mutual care-taking, below are ten ways to better understand and connect with your partner: Build and maintain trust; stay in touch mentally. During “sliding door moments,” where you have the option to either have a conversation and resolve an issue with your partner, or distract yourself with the TV, a book,…

Michele Weiner-Davis: The Sex Starved Marriage & What To Do About It

In this TEDx talk below, Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage therapist and author of The Sex Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide, talks about how to get back to a loving and lasting long-term relationship: We liked her statement: “Healthy relationships are built on mutual care-taking.” When we think about how decisions are made in…

Who Would You Be Without Sex?

Sex is something most of us feel like we need. But how far does this need go – how much does it shape our lives? Prompted by a recent conversation, I started to wonder how our lives would be different without it. Who would we be – as a society and as individuals – without…

Responses of Mass Destruction

Guest Post by Lady Jane I was having a tough conversation with my partner the other night and it left us both emotionally and physically wounded. This is not so desirable for emotional growth and bonding and isn’t how you want your conversations and interactions to conclude. We happened to be discussing intimacy, or lack…

What Do Men Really Want?

You may have already read our post “What do women really want?” where women gave us the top things they desired in a relationship. We decided to take a poll of some of our male friends, to hear what they had to say: H.R. Someone who listens. Does not try to fix me. Herb I…

What Do Women Really Want?

Image via What Women Want Given that there is so much hype around “what women really want,” we decided to post what we, the women of BSE (and some of our friends!) really want from a relationship. Below are the first two things that we thought of when presented with this question: what do you really…

Making Relationships Work: 4-part Series From Dr. John Gottman

In this 4-part video series, Dr. John Gottman discusses relationship patterns (and their effects) that he observed over 35 years of research. Part 1:  Highlights: – Dr. Gottman explains how he and Bob Levinson (visually) observed and measured people’s physiological responses to different kinds of interactions with their partner. They wanted to pick up on any patterns in successful…

Too Much Of A Good Thing? When Self-Reliance Backfires

Many of us are brought up to believe self-reliance or individuality is one of the most important personal qualities to cultivate. And it is. But there is a flip-side to having too much self-reliance that can work against people, hindering personal growth and bonding in both short-term and long-term intimate relationships. As a sex coach…

After The Honeymoon Phase

Ok, now what? Most of us have listened to stories from friends or experienced the typical arch of a sexual relationship. You start out with a burning lust and desire for the other person; it feels so good to be with them and everything they do turns you on. The sex is frequent and fulfilling.…

Embracing A Partner’s Kink

Guest post by Lady Jane What is normal? And who gets to determine what that means? I’ve lived most of my adult life in denial about my sexuality. Even as a teenager, I had a higher than average sex drive and felt embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid to talk about it. I was too nervous about…

Desire Reboot

We recently ran across an article in the Guardian where a man asked: “I am 63, and have lost sexual attraction for my wife of 45 years. I still love her but this has been a progressive issue. I feel bad because I find other women attractive, and have battled with it since youth. I…

100 Of The Greatest Love Stories

The Loveumentary is a project started in 2012 by Nate Bagley, a young guy who wanted to work through his growing feelings of cynicism and frustration with love. He came up with an idea to find and document 100 of the greatest love stories, and with the help of friend and partner on the journey,…

Friend Zones & What To Do About Them

There are moments where attempting to date a certain person can feel like a game of snakes and ladders; at seemingly random intervals you feel like you’re getting a lucky break and other times you feel like you’re getting your ass kicked back to the curb. You may wonder at what point you should throw…

20 Questions To Ask At The Beginning Of A Relationship

So much heartache and resentment can be avoided when important questions get asked at the beginning of a relationship. You feel a lot more confident in your relationship when you know whether you have the same values and long-term goals as the person you are interested in. By no means are these questions meant to…

It’s Over, Now What?

Image © Michal Marcol at FreeDigitalPhotos I remember my first heartbreak. The pain. The excruciating, can’t eat, can’t sleep horrible feeling of ending. I don’t “remember it like it was yesterday,” yet I can say the feeling, the pain, and the heartbreaking experience will always be with me. When we are in love, scientists say…

Kinsey Confidential Answers Your Sex Questions

The Kinsey Institute has a site called Kinsey Confidential, which is a sort of clearing house for their research about sexual health. One aspect of their site we enjoy is their podcast, which is updated every week. It is a great place for people to ask questions anonymously. – Keeley & Nikita

Asking For What You Want In Relationships

Many people in relationships twist and contort themselves around their partner and forget about the things that they want. Often this happens right in the beginning of a relationship, called the merging phase. Once the merging phase ends, the things you want that are different from your partner begin to show up more frequently. Asking…

Sex Talk – Talking To Your Teenager About Sex

Image © Phil Spratt As the cartoon above illustrates, because of technology young people are more exposed to sex than ever before. But are they more knowledgeable? Yes and no. While teenagers are watching lots of porn, they are receiving few alternative perspectives about what a consensual, constructive and fulfilling sexual relationship looks like. Whether…

51 Truths About Love And Sex For Generation Y

1. Relationships are what you put into them. 2. Everyone loses when love and sex are treated like a game. 3. If you have your guard up in the beginning and then suddenly lower it, don’t wonder why the other person is running hot and cold – they met one person and now you’re showing…