What (Not) To Expect From Your Expectations

Guest post from Lady Jane Think about the people, places, and things in your life. What do you expect from them? What do you expect from your partner? Your cat? Your coffee maker? Your shower? Your phone… Are your expectations realistic, accurate, fair, obvious, or even possible? When you turn the key in the ignition…

Is Being Judgmental Ruining Your Relationship?

Over the last six months I have been challenging myself to learn how to be less judgemental. I kept catching myself judging others in a harsh way. I remember asking myself, “would I treat a client who came to my office like this?” The answer was a clear no, so I decided to try to…

How the Word “Should” is Killing Your Sex Life

You should be like this. You should do that. If you want a healthy sexy life you should try this with your partner. There are “should’s” any direction you turn these days. People, other people, who you have not met, are telling you how you should act. In graduate school, I heard the phrase, “shoulding…

A Conversation on Men: Have the Tables Turned?

A couple weeks ago we chatted with T & A, the lovely ladies of Pushing Boundaries, to discuss masculinity and male sexual expression. We highlighted some research from Nikita’s new book with Phil Zimbardo, Man (Dis)connected, and Keeley offered insights from her observations as a therapist. Click here to check it out! – Keeley & Nikita

Female Condoms May Be Your New Best Friend

Image via Spread the Health The female condom still has a long way to go in gaining popularity in the U.S. Often I hear it mentioned in the same sentence with the diaphragm, which is a cervical barrier your grandmother may have used. Unlike the female condom, however, the diaphragm only protects a women from…

Condomology 101

Yes, you’ve read it right, condomology – the study of condoms. Condoms are among the most used contraceptives in the U.S. by people who are not in a long-term or monogamous relationship. There’s an easy explanation: it’s the only contraceptive that protects against both pregnancy and STDs. However, not everyone is a big fan. Apart…

What’s Your Core Erotic Theme?

Image © Ellen Von Unwerth, view more of her fabulous photos here We’ve mentioned the core erotic theme in other posts. But what is it, really? And more importantly, how could it improve your sex life? In his book, The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin outlines eroticism as: The interplay of sexual arousal with the challenges…

Sex 101 – A Girl’s Guide To 21st Century Sex

I am surprised a documentary like A Girl’s Guide To 21st Century Sex was made – and for public television! Hosted by sexual health expert Dr. Catherine Hood, this 8 part series explores everything from orgasms, sexual orientations, sex positions, pregnant sex, obese sex, how to’s, STIs, ejaculation (male and female), the effects of illegal…

How We Talk About Sex Matters

Sex educator Al Vernacchio says we need a new metaphor for sex, one that’s not competitive, goal driven, heterosexist, exclusive, or rule bound. He suggests that instead of baseball (the most common analogy Americans use when talking about sex), we need to look for something that allows us to explore satisfaction, like pizza. Watch his…

S.E.X. The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide To Get You Through High School and College

If you are a high schooler or University student, or you’re looking for a good book about sex education for your high-schooler or University student, in addition to Good Vibrations Guide To Great Sex, we’d recommend S.E.X. The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide To Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna, executive director of…

Laci Green – Sex Education Basics

Laci Green is a sex positive vlogger and peer sex educator. We love her popular YouTube channel, and would recommend it for the younger and less experienced crowd, or anyone that has a lot of questions and doesn’t know where to start. Below are a couple of her videos, to give you an idea: 5 most…

Al Vernacchio Asks – What’s Your Sexual Footprint?

It’s interesting to consider the “ripple effect” our actions and attitudes have, especially when it comes to sex. What is a sexual footprint? Al Vernacchio, a sex education teacher at Friends’ Central, a private Quaker school just outside Philadelphia, says it’s the path that is created by the decisions we make and the actions we take regarding our sexual selves.…

Sex Talk – Talking To Your Teenager About Sex

Image © Phil Spratt As the cartoon above illustrates, because of technology young people are more exposed to sex than ever before. But are they more knowledgeable? Yes and no. While teenagers are watching lots of porn, they are receiving few alternative perspectives about what a consensual, constructive and fulfilling sexual relationship looks like. Whether…

BSPI Test – Understanding Your Sexuality With The Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator

The Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator (BSPI) was developed by Dr. John Beiter as a communications tool to help individuals understand what their sexual preferences are in their sexual relationships. It also was intended to provide a starting point or comfortable means for openly discussing one’s own sexuality. Dr. Beiter stated on his site, “I have learned through…

Choosing a Lubricant

Whatever your situation is, sex is usually better with lube. There are three kinds of personal lubricant: Water-based lubricants: water-based lubes are the most common and recommended since they’re safe to use with sex toys and latex contraceptives like condoms and diaphragms. Water-based lubes are formulated to be non-irritating, though some contain glycerin, which can…

Supporting New Parents

My sister just had the first baby of our family, and WOW, there is a lot to learn. One things I did notice, while people are more than happy to offer advice (mostly when not asked), they rarely ask about how she or her partner are feeling or what their experiences are. Many women experience…

Sexual Fantasies – A Beginner’s Guide

Fantasy. We are all familiar with fantasy on one level or another, even if we are not aware of it. Most of us are familiar with fairy tales and Disney movies. Take Cinderella; you have a young girl living beneath her evil step sisters who eventually gets rescued by a handsome prince to live happily…

CMV – An STD You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

Cytomegalo-what?!! Cytomegalovirus (pronounced: sigh toe meg a low vy russ), aka CMV, is just another shockingly common STD you’ve probably never heard of. Planned Parenthood estimates 40 percent of kids get CMV before puberty and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates 50 to 80 percent of the U.S. population will get CMV before they reach 40 years old.…

Parenting Taboos – Brave Parents Share Uncomfortable Truths

Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman are married and the parents of three boys. They co-founded Babble, a parenting site, and have spent nearly a decade growing the site to attract more than 4 million viewers a month. In the following video they discuss several parenting taboos they experienced in the early years as young parents: You can’t…

Body Image Mindfulness

Exploring human sexuality inevitably leads to a discussion around body image. We need and want our bodies to feel pleasure, yet we judge, shame, think and say awful things about them. So many of the images we see in the media are doctored beyond belief, and we all feel the pressure to look “perfect” (if…

How to Practice Safer Sex

Safer Sex is not called Safe Sex because there are no guarantees of sex being risk-free from STDs and other unintended consequences that can result in emotional pain or unplanned pregnancy. There are some general guidelines that reduce these risks, such as using condoms or engaging in sexual play but not intercourse, which will be…

BDSM Basics – A Beginner’s Guide

We are hierarchical animals. Sweep one hierarchy away, and another will take its place, perhaps less palatable than the first. There are hierarchies in nature and alternate hierarchies in society. In nature, brute force is the law, a survival of the fittest. In society, there are protections for the weak. Society is our frail barrier…

Ejaculation Control – Overcoming Early Ejaculation

One in three men report being affected by early ejaculation. That’s a lot of guys! Even more men out there are feeling as though they are underperforming in the bedroom. Often the idea that you might be underperforming can lead to all sorts of beliefs, ideas, and feelings about yourself. One of the ways I…

Mating in Captivity – How to Balance Desire and Love

In her TED talk above, Esther Perel argues good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. In her book, Mating in Captivity, she discusses when we are most drawn to our partners and why, our turn-ons and offs, balancing love and desire, reconciling domesticity and sensuality, and how to give…

Do you have Herpes?

Chances are, unless you are a virgin, you’ve at least been exposed to herpes. Eeek, right?! Well, chances are you’ve probably never been tested for it, either. Many people are familiar with oral herpes, aka HSV-I, which usually manifests around the mouth area. But most people are ill-informed about genital herpes, aka HSV-II, which usually…

Awkward Sex – Enjoying the Ups and Downs

We have all experienced the awkward moment during sex. You move to take your shirt off, or your pants or your body makes a funny noise that no one was planning on. We don’t normally mention these moments, we move as quickly past them almost pretending they didn’t happen. Still, they happen. At one point…

Surrender Date

When you want to mix up dinner-and-a-movie nights, try a surrender date. Surrender dates are fun for newer and more established couples. The idea comes from Dr. Laura Berman’s show, Sexual Healing; no matter what concerns a couple had, she suggested they go on a surrender date to learn how to relax and trust that…

Couple’s Communication Video Series – Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing, a 2006 reality TV show featuring Chicago-based sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman offering advice and activities for a variety of couples as they navigate intimacy issues. Sometimes it just takes an outside perspective to get to the heart of concerns, and help couple get out of their funk, and Dr. Berman does this…

Sex Education 101 – Good Vibrations Guide to Sex

Good Vibrations Guide to Sex: The Most Complete Sex Manual Ever Written, by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans Good Vibrations Guide to Sex provides solid basic information about sex and sexual health, as well as different sex practices. Useful for the inexperienced and anyone who wants a lesson in sex education 101. Relevant for the…

Sex Education Needs To Be Better!

Do these statistics scare you? They should. Something has got to change because Sex Education in America blows. Not just for teenagers, for everyone. The World Heath Organization even finds this frustrating, “Sexually transmitted infections, and other reproductive tract infections cause substantial disease, death, and misery, but not, apparently, enough for societies to overcome the…